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river_one
12-19-2008, 11:41 AM
I would like to say that this is totally behind me, but that is not the case yet. I had incredible progress two weeks ago right after I diagnosed my problem as agoraphobia. The symptoms that brought me to this conclusion are my fear on the road on losing control and being trapped and also being very concerned with what people around me think about my problem and my slow driving. I can drive fine in heavy traffic on inner-city roads, but on an open road between towns or on a highway I get panic attacks.

The past two weeks have been great. I can't remember having the kind panic attacks I had regularly before. I am also calmer when not driving. I previously had tension all the time, anticipating having to drive. Day and night I would anticipate fear of having to get in the car and drive. I am not over the problem yet, but I am so much better. I couldn't bring myself to pick up speed beyond 60kmh, I am now comfortable at 70kmh at lot of the time, sometimes up to 80kmh and then sometimes again down to 60, but for the most part without those attacks of "OMG, I'm going to lose control". I have not had the feeling of a need to pull over and stop. I find myself much less in the shoulder of the road. I still feel very uncomfortable when I am in a one lane road with no shoulder and have a fast moving vehicle behind me, I then feel trapped and being pushed, instead of ignoring him and letting him slow down according to my speed until he can pass, I feel the urge to hit the breaks, and then I get even more nervous because I think that what I am doing is dangerous and could cause an accident, especially if the vehicle behind me is a big truck.

Over the past few days I have allowed myself to take people outside of my immediate family on short rides (up to 10 KM) I would have never done that two weeks ago out of fear that I might embarrass myself by driving slowly and show my fear.

Yesterday I drove for an hour straight twice with out stopping and for the most part did not feel terribly concerned with the cars behind me. At times if a felt that I was moving too slow and in the way I would make some room for a car to past and keep going, A couple of times I even pasted cars or trucks that were moving slower then me.

I would like to progress to a point where I could drive at 90KMH comfortably and take people with me with out feel intimated. I still need to work on driving on freeways and open roads.

Rich-Admin
12-19-2008, 02:31 PM
Just give it time and keep moving forward, you'll be surprised how quick you reach your goal if you're patient.

Rich

river_one
12-22-2008, 05:31 PM
I have been driving every day. Sometimes I feel as if I am forcing the fear on myself. I am still concerned with people around me, "will they notice that I am afraid", "Will people who know me see that it's me moving so slowly".

I know that I have very good control over the car and I am always where I want to be. But on the open road I feel intimidated and I slow down. It is a little strange being that on roads that are narrower and/or curving or in city traffic where I would think I would feel more restricted, I feel more comfortable and pick up speeds that I have difficulty doing on open roads with two lines in my direction and a wide shoulder to my left.

Rich-Admin
12-22-2008, 10:12 PM
Why do strangers opinions cause you such anxiety? What if they DID know?

river_one
12-23-2008, 08:50 AM
Well I guess that I'd just feel like an ass, think that someone is looking at me a incapable. And more so if they are people who know me.

Rich-Admin
12-23-2008, 11:09 PM
And then what if they DID think you're an ass...what would happen then?

river_one
12-24-2008, 12:59 PM
And then what if they DID think you're an ass...what would happen then?

Not too much.

Today I needed to lead the way for another car whose diver didn't know how to get to where we needed to go. Part of the our course would take up on about 5 KM of highway. I usually feel comfortable with random drivers behind me, thinking what are they think about my slow driving. I give the other driver directions and asked him to go ahead and not wait because I drive real slow. He asked why do you drive slow. I didn't answer and went ahead. For most of the drive I was very confident and picked up to 80kmh (which is real good for me lately). On the highway segment I let him pass me. And I drove slower (but faster than I have been lately). He got off at the wrong spot and circled around and ended up behind me again. When we reached our location he didn't bring up my driving at all and were very busy with our business there.

Afterwards on the way back alone on the highway, I felt a lot better that I have recently on that stretch of the road. Still drove relatively slow, pulled over to the shoulder on the right once to let a faster truck pass me because I didn't want him "breathing down my neck".

In all I'm don't so much better than a month ago, but I still have a way to go.

I still feel that on the open road - highway I am forcing myself to be afraid to pick up speed and it seems a little strange that I feel more comfortable driving faster on harder - curvier road. On a curving narrower road I can feel comfortable driving between 60 and 80KHM and on an open highway with two lanes in the direction I am going and a shoulder as wide and a line I feel restricted and keep down the speed to around 60KMH.

Rich-Admin
12-24-2008, 01:31 PM
So like most, what you're afraid of is an illusion...the end result of the worst case isn't really that bad anyway!

river_one
12-26-2008, 08:38 AM
So like most, what you're afraid of is an illusion...the end result of the worst case isn't really that bad anyway!

Yesterday did drove much better though a couple of spots that I had been having a very hard time with. Still taking it slow. but feeling much better.

What do you mean by "an illusion...the end result of the worst case isn't really that bad anyway!". If I am pressured by the movement of my vehicle and the movement of the cars behind me and around me. I am afraid that I might become distracted or dizzy and lose control and get hurt that is a real fear. I can agree with you that my fear of doing something stupid and looking like a fool is not really so bad.

Rich-Admin
12-26-2008, 01:54 PM
Just because you FEAR losing control doesn't mean it's going to happen, don't confuse anxiety with psychic abilities!

How many times have you ACTUALLY lose control before?

river_one
12-27-2008, 04:54 PM
Just because you FEAR losing control doesn't mean it's going to happen, don't confuse anxiety with psychic abilities!

How many times have you ACTUALLY lose control before?

Yes, I know that you are right. I have a phobia that I am getting over. I've made a lot of progress over the past few weeks. On roads where I feel comfortable I am driving 10-15KMH faster then I was two weeks ago.

I am still not over the strange fear I have on open highways, the truth is that I feel intimidated by the open space on the highway, even if I am on the road alone and don't have cars around me. I find it hard to explain to myself why on a narrow curving road I can be comfortable driving between 60-80KMH and when I get on the open highway even with no-one around I find myself crawling between 50-60KMH.