One step forward, 60 steps back

[stephawoosel]

Hey guys,

I was doing really well --let me amend that, really well by my standards-- by driving myself to work (with the boyfriend in the passenger seat) at least once a weekend. The drive is approx. three minutes from our home.

For the past three or four weeks, I haven't even driven that much. I haven't driven at all.

I think that this was more to avoid the nausea and stomach pangs that often accompany the excursion, more so than the actual drive itself. After all, I am, according to my stalwart passenger "a good driver."

This morning, in fifteen minutes, i am going to get behind the wheel and drive to work, as long as it doesn't start raining between now and then.

I am scared, but so far my stomach is behaving. I think it's mostly because I have the option to back out, as usual.

I was talking to my coworker about my fear a few weeks ago, and I mentioned being blind in one eye, and how that makes me even more frightened to drive. She said: "You're handicapped, you shouldn't have to drive."

Part of me was like, voila, there's my ticket out of this, I don't ever have to drive! But then, I was like HANDICAPPED? No one has ever called me that before. I do not consider myself handicapped. The DMV does not consider me handicapped.
I just don't have great peripheral vision, or two eyes. I can see just fine.

I think that statement is motivating me in a way. I know that I am at a disadvantage, and that I am handicapped in a way, but I don't want to let that stop me. I want to be like everyone else.

I want to be able to go to Starbucks and get my own coffee, instead of waiting for my boyfriend to get home.
I want to be able to go to work without having to wake him up at 8 in the morning to take me there.
I want to be able to go to my friend's house without an elaborate plan about how I will both get there, and get home.

I'll let you know how it went when I get home.

--Stephanie

[Rich-Admin]

So how'd it go....????

Your coworker sounds like the kind of person who likes to blame circumstances on everything else, but not take responsibility.

Handicaps are things like missing arms, schizophrenia, and being in a wheelchair.

Being afriad of an illusion we create in our minds, isn't a handicap, it's a temporary we're playing on ourselves that we got into the habit of repeatably playing, and if we want to, we can STOP doing it to.

A guy missing and arm can't decide to "not" be handicapped. Nor can a schizophrenic choose to not be that way.

But YOU can. YOU have the power over you.

Rich

[stephawoosel]

I made it! :)

Of course, I didn't drive again on Sunday, but at least I got one day in.

[Rich-Admin]

Great Job! I knew you could do it (you always can since you're fighting a demon that's no really there anyway).
Rich

[deanstnt]

That is a great way to look at it Steph! You are going to make it I can tell. On that handicapped note, I also think "You're having your mother drive you around places, she's the one getting older who's going to need to be chauffeured around pretty soon" come on with it girl! The drive to my friends house has been more motivational than anything. My husband actually gets ticked off at me sometimes because I'll go over there on a weeknight or something. But I'm not going to quit. No way!