fitchgirl87
03-08-2009, 04:03 AM
Hello! I am so happy that I found this forum... finally, people who understand!
I've got a story, just like everyone, but I'll summarize it: I'm 21 and I don't drive. At all. I got my learner's permit at 16 and the second I got onto the road (my mother in tow) I was anxious. I drove and drove and drove and TRIED and prepared for my road test, but was in an awful car accident the day before said road test (I wasn't behind the wheel) . Needless to say, that totally altered my perception of driving. I cancelled my road test and stuck with my permit (which I had to renew once). I was always so nervous behind the wheel and having my mother sitting in the passenger seat screaming at me sure didn't help. I would sweat and become nauseated every single time I drove and I usually ended up in tears. But, at the age of 18, I sucked it up, took the road test, and FAILED. That definitely crushed my self-esteem. I managed to gather up the courage to take the road test once again a year later (a couple of days after my 19th birthday) and I passed... YAY! That was one of the proudest moments of my life. My family was relieved because they didn't have to chauffer me around anymore and I was finally a "normal" child, and I was relieved because I finally felt like I could do it. I mean, seeing all of my peers with their licenses and their cars made me feel awful, but I finally felt like I was one of them. My father bought me my very first car, which I babied the heck out of. Oh yeah, did I also mention that I am from a very small isolated town? That means lots and lots of rocky back roads with just two lanes. Those were the types of roads I learned to drive on. Those are what I became used to. Naturally, at first, I was nervous to get out there on my own, but I did it and did it and did it and got used to cruising around town all by myself. However, I still had panic over hitting the big city roads with their four lanes and crazy traffic, but I figured that would come in time. I was so proud of myself, you guys - finally able to drive myself to work, to the store, even to the mall once! But this only last for about three months. Spontaneously, I decided to up and move 600 miles away from home to a huge city with big scary roads and a considerably high percentage of traffic accidents. So, what do you think happened? Yep, I completely stopped driving. I've lived here for two years now and I have only driven a few times. The roads here terrify me. People drive like crazy and are impatient and won't even think twice about turning in front of you. I've tried several times to get out there and drive (with my girlfriend in the passenger seat, mind you) but I just get so tense and nauseated and I completely freak out. It's so strenuous that, when I've gotten home, I feel like I need to lay down and rest because I'm extremely exhausted from all of the anxiety and stress. It's horrible. I think back to two years ago when I got my license and my little car and I was driving myself around on those little back roads and life felt good. Now, I feel like a pathetic little girl. I have to get rides everywhere. Can't go to the mall unless I have a ride. Can't get to work unless I have a ride. It makes living and working so difficult. I'm so embarassed and I keep my fear to myself - only a few people know. My family doesn't even know! They ask me if I'm driving and I lie to them and say yes. I don't want them to know. I wish I could just turn the clock back two years ago when I decided to move away. I was doing so well with the driving and now, all of those years of practicing and tears and hard work mean NOTHING. I feel like such a loser. Seeing all of the people my age and younger with their cars and their independance makes me feel so horrible. I'm so pathetic that I cry at least once a week over this. I try to tell myself to get out there and JUST DO IT but seeing all of these angry drivers causing accidents around here just induces panic inside of me. I just want to move back home and drive again... I know that, if I go back home to those small town roads, I could be driving again... but I'm not in the position right now to do that. I mean, I don't even remember how to put gas in a car... seriously. I've forgotten how to do that! I'm about to cry...
Wooo, that was long. Sorry. Anyway, I am just looking for support and encouragement. Please, please, PLEASE... I need help. I just want someone to understand...
EDIT: For the record, I also suffer with BAD anxiety in general. It affects me in every aspect of my life - at work, in social settings, even cooking - and it has also put a dark cloud over driving as well.
I've got a story, just like everyone, but I'll summarize it: I'm 21 and I don't drive. At all. I got my learner's permit at 16 and the second I got onto the road (my mother in tow) I was anxious. I drove and drove and drove and TRIED and prepared for my road test, but was in an awful car accident the day before said road test (I wasn't behind the wheel) . Needless to say, that totally altered my perception of driving. I cancelled my road test and stuck with my permit (which I had to renew once). I was always so nervous behind the wheel and having my mother sitting in the passenger seat screaming at me sure didn't help. I would sweat and become nauseated every single time I drove and I usually ended up in tears. But, at the age of 18, I sucked it up, took the road test, and FAILED. That definitely crushed my self-esteem. I managed to gather up the courage to take the road test once again a year later (a couple of days after my 19th birthday) and I passed... YAY! That was one of the proudest moments of my life. My family was relieved because they didn't have to chauffer me around anymore and I was finally a "normal" child, and I was relieved because I finally felt like I could do it. I mean, seeing all of my peers with their licenses and their cars made me feel awful, but I finally felt like I was one of them. My father bought me my very first car, which I babied the heck out of. Oh yeah, did I also mention that I am from a very small isolated town? That means lots and lots of rocky back roads with just two lanes. Those were the types of roads I learned to drive on. Those are what I became used to. Naturally, at first, I was nervous to get out there on my own, but I did it and did it and did it and got used to cruising around town all by myself. However, I still had panic over hitting the big city roads with their four lanes and crazy traffic, but I figured that would come in time. I was so proud of myself, you guys - finally able to drive myself to work, to the store, even to the mall once! But this only last for about three months. Spontaneously, I decided to up and move 600 miles away from home to a huge city with big scary roads and a considerably high percentage of traffic accidents. So, what do you think happened? Yep, I completely stopped driving. I've lived here for two years now and I have only driven a few times. The roads here terrify me. People drive like crazy and are impatient and won't even think twice about turning in front of you. I've tried several times to get out there and drive (with my girlfriend in the passenger seat, mind you) but I just get so tense and nauseated and I completely freak out. It's so strenuous that, when I've gotten home, I feel like I need to lay down and rest because I'm extremely exhausted from all of the anxiety and stress. It's horrible. I think back to two years ago when I got my license and my little car and I was driving myself around on those little back roads and life felt good. Now, I feel like a pathetic little girl. I have to get rides everywhere. Can't go to the mall unless I have a ride. Can't get to work unless I have a ride. It makes living and working so difficult. I'm so embarassed and I keep my fear to myself - only a few people know. My family doesn't even know! They ask me if I'm driving and I lie to them and say yes. I don't want them to know. I wish I could just turn the clock back two years ago when I decided to move away. I was doing so well with the driving and now, all of those years of practicing and tears and hard work mean NOTHING. I feel like such a loser. Seeing all of the people my age and younger with their cars and their independance makes me feel so horrible. I'm so pathetic that I cry at least once a week over this. I try to tell myself to get out there and JUST DO IT but seeing all of these angry drivers causing accidents around here just induces panic inside of me. I just want to move back home and drive again... I know that, if I go back home to those small town roads, I could be driving again... but I'm not in the position right now to do that. I mean, I don't even remember how to put gas in a car... seriously. I've forgotten how to do that! I'm about to cry...
Wooo, that was long. Sorry. Anyway, I am just looking for support and encouragement. Please, please, PLEASE... I need help. I just want someone to understand...
EDIT: For the record, I also suffer with BAD anxiety in general. It affects me in every aspect of my life - at work, in social settings, even cooking - and it has also put a dark cloud over driving as well.