Need encouragement for starting in a scary city

[LAfear]

Hi there--

I have been unable to drive for so many years I can't count them anymore... certainly more than a decade. I was never a confident driver to begin with and when I was in college I got away with not driving at all, and I think that's when I lost my nerve due to not having to "keep my hand in"... and the fear just got worse and worse, as well as the feelings of inadequacy for it, and the two just fed on each other.

I'm now facing a sort of "ticking clock" for having to start driving again. I have 2 small children (ages 6 months and 2 years) and I *have* to be able to drive in order to be a good parent. My husband has been gracious enough to drive me wherever I needed to go for the last 10 years, but he will soon be starting a new job that will require much more time from him, and I feel it's no longer acceptable (or even possible) for me to rely on him to chauffeur me around. I need to be able to grocery shop, take the kids to the doctor, etc-- do all the normal things an adult, and a parent, needs to do in a typical day.

I downloaded the program and got a lot of comfort knowing that others just as afraid as myself have had success. But I still have been too afraid to actually get in the car and work on it. I feel I have so many things working against me-- I live in a VERY busy part of Los Angeles, and the roads here are full of angry, impatient drivers. Breaking the rules (turning left on a red light, for example) is almost necessary in a lot of situations. Just getting out of my driveway requires quite a bit of confidence and skill, since I live on a very busy, narrow street, where there is bumper-to-bumper parking on both sides. I just feel so overwhelmed-- like there is no way for me to take baby steps. I was recently in Minnesota to visit relatives, and I felt so frustrated because I felt that I *would* be ready to face my fear in a less chaotic and scary environment, but Los Angeles seems like one of the worst cities to have to just dive into.

Has anyone else had to "dive in" in a very challenging city? How did you do it? If it weren't for the kids, I'd try practicing at 4am or something, but that's not really an option for me.

I've got about 3 months left until I will be on my own for driving on a daily basis, and I'm hoping to get at least *some* comfort before then, so I don't get in a situation where I have to drive for the first time because of an emergency with one of the kids or something.

Help!

And thank you.

[olivmich]

Hi there -
I, too, live in a busy city for driving (Boston). It's not as bad as LA (I've been to LA and I know what you mean about the freeways and just the roads themselves).

I'm relatively new to the program and have been working it for about 6 or 7 weeks now. I can DEFINITELY see an improvement with my anxiety. To answer your question about how to take the plunge....you just have to do it. I was feeling much like you are just a few days ago. I was on a rung on my recovery ladder that was really giving me a hard time. I was simply too scared to try it on my own for fear that I was going to lose control or something. Reading the Panic Trick again really helped me. (Go to Rich's blog at www.richpresta.com and search the archive for the post on The Panic Trick. You can get it for free.) I highly recommend it because it really makes sense and helped me to realize that I just needed to push a little bit harder and be willing to feel the feelings and know that they weren't going to hurt me. It's scary to do but once you do it, you'll realize that you WILL be able to conquer this. I went out yesterday and tackled the rung on my ladder that had been holding me back. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Was I nervous? Yes. But did I do it anyway? Yes! If I can do it, you can too.

Here's the other thing that I've learned: I don't let other drivers dictate how I am going to drive. If they get impatient or honk their horns or swerve around and pass me because they think I'm going too slow, I don't take it personally any more. Let them do it. Let them be aggressive and obnoxious - don't give them a second thought. In my case, highway driving is my issue that I'm working on. When I'm practicing, I stay in the right lane and go 50 mph (about 5 miles below the speed limit and probably 20 mph slower than most others on the road). I've reached the point where I could care less what someone else thinks about that. If they don't like it, they have the choice to get into another lane and pass me. Focus on YOU and not on how others are reacting to you.

It may be more challenging because you are in a very busy city but you need to trust in yourself that you'll be able to do it and just take the plunge. If you've read through the program and started to apply the techniques, you have the tools you'll need to help you. Good luck and keep us posted.