Hello, I am Lana.

[Lana]

I am 40 years old with a 10-year old son and 17-year old step-son. I have had a lot of emotional crisis in the past ten years of my life - the death of my parents and my mother-in-law in a two-year time period after extended illnesses, issues with my one and only pregnancy that nearly lead to my death, my husband breaking (literally crushing) his ankle and not walking for almost a year when my son was five months old, having 6,000 pigs move in next to our house (a confined animal feeding operation), and having a husband who is an over-the-road truck driver. If anyone is a trucker's wife, they understand the stress of that statement. In 2003 I went to a doctor who prescribed antidepressants for me. Within 6 hours of taking the medication (right after a visit to an attorney about a very ugly custody battle with my husband's ex-wife) I had a panic attack. The doctor thinks the panic attack was caused by the medication. I think it was close to a nervous breakdown, but the important thing is that it happened on my way home in my car on a busy highway. Ever since this time, I have not been able to drive on the interstate/highway. My husband tries to help me, since he is a professional truck driver who drives thousands of miles each week. I am now able to drive on our country roads and in town, but I freak out when it comes to the highway. So much speed and commotion! My husband can't truly understand where I am coming from because it is so easy to him. I am working at this program, because I am needing to change for my benefit. The stress of knowing I cannot drive if I need to (my husband is gone a lot) makes me even more stressed. Such a horrible cycle that I need to break!

I have started a new job with the US government, and if I want to get promoted I need to learn to be able to travel on my own. I feel like I am really far from where I need to be, but I am going to keep improving, even just a little bit at a time. It feels good to know that there are others that can truly understand where I am coming from and offer advice and help.

I'm still trying to come up with a happy place. We are going on vacation to Florida in a few weeks so I thought I would take a picture of the sunset on the beach and memorize the moment. Then I can put the picture in my car to look at when I start feeling panicked. I hope this helps!

Thanks for letting me put this all down in black-and-white. I don't talk to my friends or family about my fear because I am ashamed of it. This is the first time I've let any of this out to someone other than my husband. So thanks!

[Lupe]

Hi Lana,
Whew, you've had some tough times. I know what you mean about sharing the phobia with others. Up until now, I've felt if I talk about it, it grows. I don't feel like this in this forum. Congratulations on the new job.

Lupe

[Lana]

Thanks for the congrats, Lupe. I am really going to try to review this forum daily to update myself as I go along with the program. I think I will consider it my personal time out! :lol:

[jrojb]

Lana, you obviously have gone through a lot and have endured more than what most people go through in a lifetime. The fact that you can share this with us proves your strength. I too am ashame of my fear of driving and absolutely no one knows of this except my husband. He drives with such ease and I wish I too can drive once again in the same comfort. I am driving around town and I am inching along waiting for the day I would not allow my fear to restrict or dictate my life.

[Lana]

I guess I have realized that if I don't take time for myself to work on my fear then nothing is going to change. A lot of my life events led to my incident that caused my driving phobia, but I have had other life events that have taken time where I have not been able to work with myself. My biggest issue in dealing with my fear is making the time to do the exercises of the program and taking care of myself. I have found that I deal with driving better when I am less stressed about other things. It's time for change, and I am way past ready to take control of my life again!

[Pauline Sheldon]

Hi Pauline here from England

Read your intro and my heart went out to you - I myself have had this driving phobia for about 15 years - and I also keep very quiet about it - dont talk to anyone - the subterfuge that goes on trying to duck the subject is amazing - I have joined the forum yesterday and it is such a relief to talk to someone who understands what I am going on about - in the distant past I have tried to explain but get blank looks - so I keep quiet now - I have been out this week each night driving - for a short time and not very far - have not been driving for about a year - sat in my car alot with the keys in my hand but no driving - it is wonderful to have this forum to share ideas and support - I am sure it is going to be really helpful to everyone.

Take care - pauline

[teaser]

Hey there Pauline - Good for you getting into the car!!

Lana - My happy place changes from time to time. Depends on the day and what makes me smile. I am faithfully doing the exercises every day. (This is something that I didn't do in the past and why it's taken me a few times to work through the program - I think my expectation was one day I would just wake up and it would be gone.) I do the thought popping any time I get - laundry, dishes, blow drying the hair, etc. I also spend about 20 minutes each day journaling, etc. (I do this when I eat breakfast). I have become to enjoy this and look forward to it - it's very relaxing and it's a good time to notice your breathing.

I was also feeling like a big ol' loser not being able to drive. I had driven over 20 years with no problems and then I can't/won't. This time around with the program, I have found that I'm not so embarrassed anymore, so I've just been telling people if it comes up. Oddly enough, there are a lot of people out there who don't like driving or have other types of anxiety, etc. And you know what - I'm not a big ol' loser, I'm just learning how to drive again.

Therese