D'oh! Had a setback.

[elderwanda]

I've been doing so well, too. :? I've been able to pick up my kids from their two different schools, and do a bit of shopping. I haven't attempted leaving my city, which can only be accessed by bridges or a tunnel, but that's fine for now.

I've been feeling great about myself, and feeling my life open up in new ways. But this past week, I've been really sleepy (because of having to get up at 6 to get the boys ready for school, and not being done with the day until 11). My driving anxiety comes, in part, because of a fear of zoning out while driving. I've been doing the ROAD thing, and it's been working well, but yesterday I was kind of surprised by how strong the physical anxiety symptoms were. I managed to drive through it and be okay, though. But today, I just couldn't.

I have to drive across a bridge (a lot of water where I live) to get to my older son's school, and I drove around town five times trying to get over the bridge and do the ROAD thing. I kept my body relaxed, and was observing what I feel, and listening to a talk show on the radio. But as soon as I got close, I would remember that sometimes my hands and feet go numb, and worry about zoning. I would tell myself that it's just a feeling, and it's okay to feel it, but I just couldn't do it. Finally, it got to the point where I couldn't afford to keep trying, so I had to park the car and walk over the bridge to school, get my son, and walk BACK with him while my younger son waited at his own school, wondering what's taking us so long.

Well, the boys were very gracious. They know about my struggles, and I am committed to showing them that I won't be held back by my fears. But today I was held back by my fears.

BUT...I'm not going to get down about it or start feeling bad about myself. It just happens sometimes, I guess. And hey, at least I got some exercise.

By the way, Rich, what's with all the spam? Isn't there a way to delete that?

[olivmich]

You should first give yourself a huge pat on the back for the progress that you've made. The fact that you have been driving them to school and shopping around town when you couldn't do that before is huge. So you should feel really good about that.

As far as what happened the other day, it's okay. As Rich has said before, if you learned something from it, it was still a success. I'm happy to hear that you have such a great attitude about it. Not every day is going to be perfect. The most important thing is that you continue to get back out there and practice and not let it hold you back from trying it again (and again, and again!)

I, too, am back in a different routine now that my kids are back in school. During the summer, when I first started the program, I had tons of opportunities to practice driving on the highway (my big fear). I could go on the highway every day to drop them off and pick them up from camp if I wanted to. At the beginning of their 7 weeks of camp I was terrified of even thinking of getting on the highway on ramp. By the last week, I was driving them home on the highway every day and feeling great about myself.

Now that they are in school I don't have any reason to go on the highway. My office is in my town and their school is in my town. I now have to schedule practice sessions on the weekends to get on the highway. And wouldn't you know it, when I got on the highway for the first time after not being on it for two weeks it was like I took two steps backward. I was nervous and apprehensive and almost didn't want to get on. I was uncomfortable as well.

But....I didn't call it a failure. I just realize that the same way my daughters are rusty when they play tennis after not playing for a few days, I was rusty because I hadn't driven on the highway in a little bit.

The other day was just one of your practice sessions where maybe you didn't "play your best". It's great that your kids are aware of what you're dealing with and are encouraging. My girls are very supportive as well. I agree that it's good for them to see that you can work at challenges and push yourself.

It's a new week - let's see what it brings!! Keep us posted.

Donna

[Rich-Admin]

Sorry, I'm trying to keep up with the SPAM, but I'm outnumbered!

Rich

[elderwanda]

Well, the setback didn't last. Here's what happened.

I had a couple of days of not being able to get "over the bridge", literally and metaphorically, and wasn't feeling too great about myself. The day before yesterday, my husband took a little time off work in the morning to be with me and lend some support, but I still chickened out before getting to the little bridge. Well, my husband said I should just drive around somewhere else, and he gave directions, "Go straight, turn left here." I was feeling awful about myself, and kind of crying a bit. :roll: Well, he had me go down this road that he thought would be easy, but I have NEVER driven there, and didn't know what to expect at the intersection that was coming up. I couldn't visualize it, and was too full of anxiety to cope with the unknown, so I pulled into a business parking lot and cried. My husband and I switched sides, and he drove. The intersection looked terribly complicated to me, and I thought my head would have exploded for sure if I gotten that far and had actually had to deal with it.

Later in the day, he took more time off work to pick the kids up from school for me.

Well, that just makes a person feel on top of the world. Not! I mean, you could actually hear the sound of my self-esteem plummeting.

The next day, though, feeling more relaxed, I looked at that intersection on Google Earth, and could see that I would only have to stay left, and even though the intersection was complicated, there wasn't really any way I could mess up. (If I turned right, I'd go heading out towards an international airport, which is way out of my comfort zone.) So, I thought, I'm pretty sure I can actually do THAT today, and if I can do that left turn, which had me bawling my eyes out yesterday, then I can certainly go over the bridge (which has a similar left turn leading onto it).

So I did. I've found that when I'm doing the ROAD thing, it helps to smile, and also to broaden my gaze. I tend to focus narrowly and closely when I'm anxious, which isn't so great for driving anyway.

That left turn was so easy, I had to laugh once I got through. And then I drove though a residential neighborhood and back to the bridge. As I approach the bridge, I'm on a long, straight road which has a couple of places to chicken out. Before, when I was super-anxious, I was looking ahead only as far as the next place that I might chicken out. But this time, I was so happy for my previous success, that I looked WAY ahead, and drove past all the possible "I give up" places without a glance.

So, I'm cured again! :D

[Matilda]

I'm so pleased for you ... You made it over and that's great, anxiety is such a horrible thing and it can be so frustrating when you know there is no reason to fear except fear itself. But that doesn't make it any easier and fear "itself" can be very powerful. I think you handled it the only way possible and that's just to give it a go and try not to be too disappointed on the days that you can't do it and be proud and inspired when you succeed. :D