Not getting anywhere.........

[heartstringz]

I am 25 and have had my licence since I was 19. I stopped driving after I passed my test as I was so scared. I have always have had a fear of driving, since I first sat in the drivers seat of my parents car. I've never been in a car accident of any kind, as a passenger or a driver. I have no idea where my fear stems from as there is no logical reason for it.

I recently decided to start driving again. I have a manual licence but was getting nowhere trying to drive a manual car - I found it even more frightening because I felt like I couldn't concentrate as much on the road as I never knew what gear I was in/supposed to be in. So I saved up and bought myself my first car (which is an automatic).

I was so excited when I got the car, and I still do find it a lot easier to drive and a tiny bit less frightening than the manual, however, I still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

I will only drive around local streets by myself, and even then I feel anxiety before setting off and often during the trip. Anywhere else I drive I refuse to be by myself, I have to have someone sitting next to me. Every time I drive anywhere other than local streets, even with somone else in the car, I get extremely anxious - I grip the wheel so hard my knuckles go white, I breath faster and I can feel my heartrate increasing.

If something unexpected happens on the road I have no idea how to deal with it, and therefore I tend to panic even more. The person sitting next to me has to tell me what to do, because my mind just goes completely blank. That is why I'm so afraid of driving by myself - what if something happens on the road? I won't be able to deal with it, I will just freak out - and that would be dangerous.

I have been driving fairly regularly lately with my mum, but now she is saying that she won't drive with me anymore because I am fine, I know what I'm doing and do not need her. This has made me even more anxious and I know I won't drive without her - therefore I am probably going to stop driving all over again.

Back when I was learning I had lessons with an instructor but my parents also tried to take me driving regularly between lessons to practice. As opposed to decreasing during this period, my fear of driving increased, which I have attributed to my parent's behaviour whilst in the passager seat. They would scream at me any time I made a mistake, often reducing me to tears, and therefore I just refused to drive with them. Every time they shouted at me I became more afraid.

My mum continues to do this now - any time a situation occurs on the road where I freak out she shouts at me, which has the effect of making me freak out even more. I have no-one else to drive with - my boyfriend works long hours & I cannot afford driving lessons as I only work a couple of shifts a week at my casual job.

So now I don't know how to get over this fear. Sometimes I regret buying my car and think I might as well sell it - it just sits outside the house most of the time, apart from tiny two minute trips down to the supermarket.

I'm having trouble finding a job in my profession because every job ad wants you to be able to drive. Often that involves driving clients around which makes me terrified even thinking about it. I would really like to get over this fear so that I can put my degree to good use rather than working in a shop. I just don't know where to start. The more I drive the more afraid I get because I get tailgated every time, other people do stupid things, friends/family try and push me too hard etc.

[ecpdba]

Hearstringz,

First you need to acknowledge a few things and accept them:
1. You can overcome this with time and effort.
2. It took a long time for this to develop and manifest itself in your life, it may take a little while to change it.
3. Baby steps. I am using the Driving Fear Program and it works, but you have to take little baby steps and learn that it comes with time.

Second, until your family can be supportive and positive of your efforts I would not drive anywhere with them. Find a friend or make a new one that you feel comfortable with and drive with them. Make a routine and a plan to overcome this. Map out a plan like this: Day 1 - going to sit behind the wheel in my driveway with the engine off and just breathe deeply and relax. Day 2 -Sit in the driveway and breathe and relax in the car with the engine on. Continue planning like that until you are taking longer and longer trips. Repetition is the key.
I guarantee you will have bad days and not progress as fast as you want. How do I know this? I did. BUT you will be progressing and that it what matters.
Dealing with this type of thing is different than say being sick. If you are sick you can take medicine and in a few days you should feel better. With driving fear, or fear in general you need to practice all of the methods in the Driving Fear Program and continue no matter what. Then after a period of time that is different for everyone, things will start to get better and continue from their. There is no quick fix.

No matter what you are showing great courage by addressing an area of your life that is not working. Regardless of what others problems are, many people simply live wit their issue and never step up and deal with it. Good job.

Hang in there and you will make it.

[Reina]

Hello,
I have a similar fear of being alone in the car. You could always put a fluffy toy in the passanger seat or even listen to CDs of stories or comedies so you don't feel alone in the car. You could also even take driving lessons with an instructor again and that will be positive confidence building experience. Also I find when I get anxious, smile as wide as you can and try and sing silly songs to take seriousness out of it all. You will get there step by step. It may be a little zig zaggy but it gets easier and easier the more you practice and take out the seriousness of it all. Imagine yourself laughing in the car enjoying the ride. Hope this helps as it helped me.

[stevo2265]

Don't give up heartstringz. Its rough getting through this but with some patience and work you can get through it. Honestly try the Driving Fear program if you can. it has helped me immensely since i started using it.

[riyaroy21]

hey great info..thanks for the share

[jasonsmith092]

sounds good to me a lot