My Functional Anxiety ruining everything.

[TheTruth]

I'm 24 year old male with NO DRIVERS LICENSE! i feel less of a man. :(
I failed my drivers test once (at the age of 19) and never took it again.

a little backstory..

My dad is a very negative and strict "My way or the highway" type of guy and very verbally abusive. My Fear of him controlled my entire life.

during my early teen years... when all my friends went out and got drivers license..

I would practice driving with my dad and he'd say.. "SON, your NOT ready yet" and then my Dad would stop encouraging me to try again and he'd make excuses why he doesn't have the time to help me practice.

My friends would help sometimes but once they got there drivers license they kinda got really focused on partying and less on helping.

My city-state's Drivers test requires you to pass the manueverability test which is backing your car in reverse through 5 cones http://www.advanceddrivingschool.info/Images/ManeuverabilityTestDiagram.gif

^^^ this is the hardest thing for me to pass, because I have a bad habit of letting my FEAR overwhelm me and it makes me OVERTHINK simple things such as.. What direction to turn the wheel when i'm in reverse.

I'm going to take my TEST in april and the only car i have to take it in is my dad's and his car is VERY busted up. You have to put the car in a little pass "PARK" to put it in "REVERSE" and you have to put it in "NEUTRAL" to put it in "DRIVE" .. i hope the driving officer at DMV won't notice or make too much of a deal about it. It's something that needs to be fixed but never was.

Another thing wrong is when you put the car in reverse and turn the wheel all the way (in any direction) to it's limit. (point where the wheels are turnt as far as possible) .. The Car shuts off if you don't accelerate while you do it.

It's a real lemon.
Which makes my fear even worse.

My dad never really cared about me getting my license until he had a stroke which made it hard for him to drive. (i was there when he had his stroke, he almost died me and family had to rush him to the hospital.. it still replays in my mind sometimes). Now that my dad is recovering he is forced to let me drive him around everywhere (since i have my temps). I'm getting alot of practice in and i'm getting better, but I'm NOT learning in a healthy way, because it's just DESPERATION. My dad is like "YOU MUST GET YOUR LICENSE" .. (so now all of a sudden he CARES about me getting my license, now that he needs me). I drive him to physical therapy on weds-thurs.
I can drive, but i still DRIVE NERVOUS and feel uncomfortable behind the wheel.

I'm leaving alot of my issues between me and my dad out of this story, but my homelife has been so dysfunctional .. I even secretly went to a Psychologist for help with my fears and phobia's, but i couldn't afford to keep the sessions going and then i got real depressed and withdrew from all my friends! so now pretty much all i have is my DAD and my sister but she doesn't drive. so i'm trying to just FIGHT through it all and pray and hope maybe i can PASS the driving test somehow!
and LIFT THIS LOAD OF EMBARASSMENT, SHAME, AND PRESSURE OFF MY BACK.

i pray about it all the time!

My ex-girlfriend sent my a text which really pissed me off... so i don't know where my head is at lately.
i can't focus on driving sometimes.
feel very anxious, nervous and depressed all at the same time..somehow.

[lisa62]

I failed my first time at getting my license.I was in my early twenties as well.I took drivers ed in high school.I had a girlfriend work with me a day or so.She even let me borrow her car.Your drivers license is worth getting.My grandparents had a bummer car too.Neither of my parents helped me.Sounds like you are doing the best you can.Give yourself some credit! You Dad probably was not encouraged as a son and does not know how much you need it perhaps.Encourge him at something give it out and maybe he will give it back to you.If he does not just know you can only change yourself with God's help.Get whatever support you can get! Don't give up you can do it! :)

[curioustoo]

I know you can do this. My Mom was very strict and I finally decided one day that I was 18, free and living in a great country. I had to get out of my own way by changing my attitude and not be the victim. It was easier than I thought and I was surprised at my own strength. I think you will be too. One little idea though and that is to see if you can borrow someone else's car to take your test because in our state they won't let you take a test in a car that isn't "roadworthy". I'm pulling for you...go get it! You'll do great! Let me know because I'm gonna be your cheerleader :-)