Two Questions

[melissanecz]

I have two questions for you guys

#1. is there any music you listen to to help you relax
#2. who close to you knows about your situation

here are my answers

#1 Bruce Springsteen - First of all im from nj so its required to love him. it reminds me of a time when i was younger and more carefree so the music can take me back when im driving

#2 my husband and one close girlfriend. i think i would be mortified if anyone else knew.i guess that is something i have to get over. i have a young daughter whos friends drive with me in my car, but of course, its only in my "safe zone" right now i would never dream of taking driving another child outside that comfort zone.

[teaser]

Hi!

1. My music tastes are all over the board (with the exception of maybe my 15-year-old son's music). Also depends on my mood. I do like Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20). If my kids aren't in the car I do tend to go towards talk radio. So if you ever see someone in their car kinda yelling at the radio... that's me... :lol:

2. Most everyone I know.

[melissanecz]

how did you start to tell people about your driving fear? or where you just open about it from the beginning?

[teaser]

Oh, not everyone knew right away. Not even my husband. I finally had to tell him, because I wasn't going anywhere. My problem with driving just started a few years ago, so slowly but surely people were beginning to wonder why I wasn't showing up.

This last time I started the program (took me more than once), I finally just flat out told people. It just seemed easier and I was sick of making up excuses. This in itself was a huge relief. It also made me want to try harder than I had the previous times. People are actually more understanding than you think.

My goal is 150 miles with freeway included. My very first hurdle was red lights and I have accomplished that to a huge degree, now I'm working on the freeway part! I still get nervous about actually "doing it" - but each and every time I come home, I find that I feel better than when I left. I'm trying to really reinforce that, which sometimes is hard to do (at least for me).

Good luck and hang in there!

[KimCosby]

Hi There:

1) I am a huge Journey fan (I'm telling my age now!) so I listen to their music alot.

2) Everyone who knows me knows about my fear of freeways, and bridges. I find it much easier to be honest with those around me than it is to try to hide behind excuses. Thankfully, I have a great support system. My husband doesn't understand it but he is very supportive and he tries. His career, go figure, is a commercial delivery driver so he is everywhere and often drives several hundred miles in a day.

Keep working towards your goals. I am at the point where I can go a couple exits and find myself o.k. It only amounts to a few miles but it's better than I was a few months ago. Good luck to you and everyone else on this forum. One day we will all arrive at our destinations FREE OF ANXIETY.

[melissanecz]

I have to get over my fear of telling people about my fear...I think its awesome that you guys are so open about it! I would think that in itself would be a hugh part of the recovery.

[Fiore]

Two Answers:

Music: I have six CDs looping in my car. They are:

KD Lang, Watershed
Dolores Keane, Solid Ground
Anchored in Love - a Tribute to June Carter Cash
The Proclaimers (a Scottish duo)
Bill Joel - Greatest Hits
Tom Russell, Lost Angels of Lyon (which includes two Springsteen songs - Reason to believe and I'm on Fire).

I'm pretty open with just about everyone about my driving. Initially I felt a bit stigmatised about it, and kept it pretty much to those who "had to know", but as time passed I became much more open. The amount of detail I tell friends/family varies, depending on how close I am with them. Out of the dozens of people who I have opened up with about it, I have only ever had one negative reaction (comments like, "get over it", "just do it", "I can't beleive you won't drive on a freeway, there's nothing to it"). Although some can't quite understand it, I still get a lot of positive support from most.

Fiore

[annie]

Music: I am listening to cd's that my oldest likes including: Maroon 5, Leona Lewis, and Justin Timberlake!!! I find that I actually like some of the songs on them and have downloaded them onto my iPod.

As for telling people about my fear... My husband and children know and maybe 8 to 10 other peole I've told along the way. When I tell people I usually downplay it so they probably have no idea how bad it is for me. I would never allow ANYONE to ride in the car with me while I'm driving except for my hubby and children. I would simply be too nervous about having a panic and too embarassed if I did have one with another person in my car.

On another note: I have had a really hard time following the program of late. I managed to drive over 200 miles roundtrip on the highway and in the city a couple of weeks ago but since then have really struggled with feelings of panic while driving around my own town of 50,000!! What gives? I find myself avoiding stoplights because I never know when I'm going to feel panicky. This is really demoralizing. It makes me doubt that I'll ever be able to drive comfortably again.

annie

[Fiore]

Hi Annie,

What age is your oldest? I haven't heard of Maroon 5, or Leona Lewis, but I have heard of Justin Timberlake. Thankfully, now both my kids have got their licence, I get to dictate what music I play in the car.

On your other note, you did a mega thing by driving 200 miles which included highway. The very thought of doing that for me belongs in a another stratasphere for the time being. Is it possible by doing that mega challenging (and very long) drive, you were biting off a bit too much? I too have felt at times I'm progressing pretty well and then move into what feels like a relapse where "lesser challenges" take on huge proportions where anxiety levels seem to rise in areas where I considered myself to be in my comfort zone. I think one of the keys to progressing with our driving is to work with the "demand more" stuff, but strike the balance between how much more can we demand of ourselves. Congratulate yourself for doing that long drive, but at the same time, nurture yourself. If that long drive took it out of you (in terms of causing increased anxiety) be accepting of that. Something that has been consistent in my recovery with driving and eliminating anxiety has been recognising and accepting that there has been an element of 2 steps forward, 1 step backward. Perhaps you should see this current bout of increased anxiety/panic state as something brought on by over-doing it. I find reading and re-reading parts of the program reinforces stuff. I keep a small list of encouraging key-words or phrases in my car to glance at.

I now run around minor roads within a 7-10 klm radius of home and almost without exception feel entirely comfortable with that. These days, I remind myself frequently that when things were at there worst, I struggled to drive my car two or three blocks from home to get the kids to school, kerb crawling all the way, driving at a speed where someone would have challenged if my tyres were actually turning. From there I would walk to a bus stop, catch and bus to work and repeat the exercise at the end of the day.

You are not alone Annie and I hope things are on the up for you over coming days and week. Keep us posted.

Fiore

[melissanecz]

Hi Annie -- I actually found the same thing to be happening but on a smaller scale. I had success driving but it was 20 miles from home. that was a big deal for me and now around my "safety zone" i feel nervous, which i never did before. i wonder if this is a normal set back that happens...maybe rich you could comment on this?