First-timer

[Lms526]

Hi everyone!
This is my first time on this board. I'm 32 years old, and I have never had a driver's license. I passed the written test at the age of 18 with flying colors. I wouldn't drive with my mom for anything. I've tried driving with my dad, but we end up frustrated. He won't take me out of the parking lot. Also, he gets really nervous, which makes me even more nervous. Then he gets testy. It just doesn't work. I've tried driving with friends and felt more relaxed. Quite a few of my friends have cars. I know many of them would be willing to help me if I asked. I also know that my relatives would be willing to help also. But I know I would have to take it in baby steps. I'm just too embarrassed to ask anyone. If I could drive, it would make it so much easier to find a good job. I've had to turn down jobs for this very reason. Several years ago, I could have a great job training offices on phone systems. But it required traveling to different areas. They guy even tried asking me if it was possible for me to get my license within the next few weeks.I would have had access to a company car, so if I'd had a license, I think I would have gotten the job. I hate having to tell people that I don't drive and never have. I'm tired of the patronizing looks. I don't tell people why I don't drive. Very few people know the truth. I've told some people I'm afraid to drive, but only a couple know how bad it really is. I usually just tell people I can't afford a car (which is true, but I'm also just blowing smoke) I also hate that it takes an entire afternoon to go to the mall. When it's only about a 10 minute drive from my house. I've just kept putting it off. But I'm also terrified. Just opening the driver's side door is enough to make me start shaking. There is a part of me that longs for the independence and freedom that comes with being able to drive. But there's another part of me that believes my fear of driving is too intense. Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible anymore for me to overcome it. I am blessed with wonderful friends who don't mind playing chauffeur, but still.

When it comes to driving, these are my main fears

1) Being out of control. I'm terrified of finding myself in a situation I wouldn't know how to get out of. Stranded on the road in the middle of nowhere, flat tire, lost, skidding.

2) The possibility that I could hurt or kill someone. If I injured myself, I think I would get over it in time. But if I injured or killed someone else, I honestly don't know if I could live with that.

3) I also have a negative sense of direction. There are very few places I would feel comfortable driving to without either A) getting lost or b) having to ask for directions.

4) Having a panic attack behind the wheel. I don't have panic attacks that often anymore, but I don't know what I would if I ever had one behind the wheel.

When I read that, I know in my head it's illogical, but the fear paralyzes me. I have no idea how to overcome this intense fear.

Lms526

[Rich Presta]

Welcome!

Those are all very common fears a lot of the folks on the board I'm sure will be able to relate to.

I'd go through them and point out why they're illogical, but you said you know they are, so there's no sense in me doing that. But it's important to remember that KNOWING something in your logic is very different than KNOWING it in your reactive part of your brain that less under your conscious control. That's what needs to change and where the program is really beneficial. I think everyone knows getting lost isn't a disaster, it's the reaction you've trained yourself to have that's the problem, not just that no one has explained it to you before, right?

Stick around here, I think you'll find the people are very nice and know what they're talking about, it's kind of like group therapy.

Rich

[teaser]

1) Being out of control. I'm terrified of finding myself in a situation I wouldn't know how to get out of. Stranded on the road in the middle of nowhere, flat tire, lost, skidding.

You are terrified of something that hasn't happened yet. You might be surprised at yourself :)

2) The possibility that I could hurt or kill someone. If I injured myself, I think I would get over it in time. But if I injured or killed someone else, I honestly don't know if I could live with that.

Accidents happen, and I don't say that lightly... but they do. Are you planning on having an accident?

3) I also have a negative sense of direction. There are very few places I would feel comfortable driving to without either A) getting lost or b) having to ask for directions.

OMG... I'm horrible at directions. My dad used to say "go south and then go west..." UGHHH... I love mapquest!!

One time when my husband and I were dating... he stopped the car and ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS!!! Didn't think anything of it.

4) Having a panic attack behind the wheel. I don't have panic attacks that often anymore, but I don't know what I would if I ever had one behind the wheel.

So if you had a panic attack... could you deal with it?

[deanstnt]

Hey listen, there have been many people in way worse situations than you are in. Read about Paula Deen, the famous chef from the Food Network, she was an agoraphobic and only started cooking as a way to support herself and not leave the house. Look at her now, she is on t.v. all the time, rich and very happy!
I have had panic attacks while driving and it was not that bad. Thinking about having one all the darn time is waaaayyy worse! Your brain and body have some "safety nets" that they use in the case of driving. You need to read the Monster in your closet blog entry on the website. It is perfect on this subject.
Also, look around at some of the other people behind the wheel. They are no smarter, braver, younger, etc... than you. How about that 80 year old lady driving? She's not worried about having an accident or skidding out of control or getting lost, and I'm sure your 32 year old mind is much more equipped to handle driving situations than hers, right?
"Bravery is not the absence of fear in a situation, it is how we handle fear in a situation."

[Amazonian]

I've been doing Rich's program for about 3 weeks now. He "goes" with me everywhere in my car. I have read the program and listen to the same thing while riding. I'm telling you that this guy is right on the money. It is so hard what he asks you to do, but you will see that it freaking works (once you've realized that your have survived the ORDEAL! :o :o . Now...i may have an attack going home, and I'd hate that, but.....(i get worked up just thinking about it!)...it will be ok. I found myself yesterday driving home and started thinking the "what if's" that are paralyzing..and then i stopped and said "so what". I had decided even if i did start feeling one come on that I would NOT race to the next intersection. I'm slowly learning that I'm not gonna die..Now as far as you and driving and getting lost, etc. Well I kinda have that fear too. My sense of direction SUCKS! I'mto bad for "getting off of the nearest exit" if traffic even looks like it MIGHT be backed/backing up. (I HATE/FREAKOUT/DESPISE BACKED UP TRAFFIC W/NO PLACE TO "ESCAPE".) :cry: :cry: Going/Coming to work, I will get off at exits that i'm not sure how to "wind myself back around" to get on streets that I'm familiar. I'm thinking about a GPS. That way someone can calmly tell me which direction i need to go, but wouldn't that be defeating the purpose unless you know FOR SURE that you are gonna be major late to work if you stay in the stalled traffic?? Keep at it everyone..we can do this..including myself..Rich is right when telling us that we HAVE to "feel" it in order to see that we will still be alive afterwards! YOU ROCK RICH! :D

[Rich Presta]

:oops:

Thanks.

With that awesome attitude, you're going to do great!

When I recorded the audio I really tried to "talk" to whoever was listening so I hope it helps to take me along for the drive...

Rich