Controlled by fear

[Lms526]

Sometimes, I feel like my life is completely controlled and dictated by fear. I have generalized anxiety disorder and a history of panic attacks. When I was in a high school, I went through a period where I was having 8-10 panic attacks a day. I would have them at work, school, riding in the car, reading, or doing nothing. They usually come back in times of extreme stress. They came back when my grandfather died in 2000 of cancer, and my grandma died unexpectidly in 2003. I am in counseling.

I've never done this before...but here is a list of the things I'm afraid of

1. Heights-I've been afraid of heights since I was about 6 or 7 years old.

2. Bridges-I think part of it might be the heights thing. But I also have this irrational fear that the bridge is going to collapse when I'm going across it.

3. Bees-I've been stung many times. The last couple times I've been stung I puffed up. But no breathing trouble or anything. But I can't help thinking that one of these times I'm going to have a severe allergic reaction.

4. Driving-A biggie. See my post under introduction.

5. Rejection

6. Crowds


I feel a variety of emotions when I read that list. I feel ashamed, stupid, embarrassed and sad. Everything I do (and don't do) is colored by fear. I go out of my way to avoid fear at all costs. It's sad....I'm so pathetic.

Lms526

[Rich Presta]

Why do you think it makes you pathetic?
Most people here are still afraid of something, maybe not driving anymore, but something...are they pathetic?
If not, why are you more harsh on yourself than you are others?

How would it feel to NOT be afraid?

What would you do if you couldn't fail?

Post me back you answer to those two questions.

Then read it as carefully as you did your last one and see how you feel.

Then tell me if you're any different.

You're not.

What changed?

Your thoughts.

See? YOU control it.

Seriously. Go do it.

Rich

[Lms526]

Hi Rich,
Thanks for the reply. No, I don't think the other people on this board (struggling with various fears) are pathetic. As to why I'm much harsher on myself than on others, I don't know the answer to that question. It's always been that way.

What would it feel like to be free of fear? Wow. I honestly don't know. But the first one that comes to mind would be freeing. I would be able to take risks and do things, without constantly worrying about failing, or what other people think. I would be able to just be myself. I think I would get more enjoyment out of life and feel more comfortable and at peace in my own skin.

What would I do if I knew I wouldn't fail? I would try to get the novel I'm working on published. I would take a trip to another part of the country. I would consider moving away. I would seriously consider living overseas. I would take a lot more calculated risks. I would get my driver's license. I would stop settling for the status quo and make some changes in my career and personal life. I would some allowing my life to be dictated by fear and a desire for predictability, safety, and familiarity. I would share my thoughts and feelings much more openly.

Wow. You're right. I do feel better. But it's one thing to write about stuff like that, it's quite another to actually do it. That's where I get stuck. I want to make changes, but I don't know how to go about it. Reading what I wrote above provokes some very mixed feelings. On the one hand, it makes me excited to think about the possibilities and how different my life could be. But on the other hand, realistically, probably none of those things are ever going to happen, so why get my hopes up?

[Rich Presta]

Hmmm.

Think of the last thing you worried about, maybe while driving.

Did it come true?

Probably not. Most of the things we worry about don't come true.

Seems like being negative is the real unrealistic thing.


"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. " - Mark Twain

[deanstnt]

It's a bummer of a hand to be dealt huh? I have many irration fears as well. High bridges, being in a building above the 3rd floor, airplanes, driving and just being alone sometimes. I think people are just like dogs in some ways. Some dogs love people, love to ride in the car, don't mind going to the vet etc. but some pant and shake and hide behind the toilet during thunderstorms ya know? I'm not crazy about the fact that I'm the one hiding behind the toilet most of the time but I think it was just in my hardwiring for some reason. These little tips and tricks from this program do work better than anything I've ever done. You've got to realize that your "safe" place is within yourself. Then you can feel safe anywhere!

[Fiore]

Me Again LMS ... I just posted in your introduction and have now read your "Controlled by Fear" post.

Of the 100+ people that are members of this forum, I would bet anything that the very vast majority of us would have to put our hands up to other fear situations, not just isolated to driving fear or anxiety. Me for example, I find it hard to walk down stairs without holding the rail (fear of losing control), or in the very least walking down immediately beside the hand rail rather than walking down a set of steps in the middle, well away from the rail. When I lived in a city where there was a very deep underground network (London), I simply couldn't cope with looking down at the depth of the escalator. I used to cope by focussing on the bill-boards posted to the walls.

I have never fallen down a set of stairs and I never tumbled down the escalators.

The "bad things" that we allow ourselves to think might happen, simply never do. THEY SIMPLY NEVER DO.

I know this is primarily a "driving fear" forum, but I think all our fears and anxieties interact or are interlinked. Can I suggest you make a list, can be as long as you like, but of issues that invoke anxiety or fear. Sort them by degrees and set an exercise for yourself to approach the less problematic of your fear situations. Remind yourself that, despite what bad thing might happen, IT ABSOLUTELY WON'T. You might feel a degree of inner discomfort, but you won't fall, you won't die, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. When you do it the next time, and the next time, and the next time .... notice how the degree of discomfort has diminished.

Stay positive LMS. I'm sure you can make enormous progress. Again, Good Luck

Fiore

[Ianpeterson]

There is a part of your brain, exclusively for survival called reptilian brain, which is the first part of your brain. As humans evolved, our brains grew and others were added, such as the limbic system which deals with emotions and a part of the brain that is the thinking part.